I could probably write 10 blogs with all that has been on my mind and heart, lately. For today I will try to keep it simple. Key word, “try”.
You know how people these days tend to get so bent out of shape when the phrase “girls are more emotional than guys”, is brought up? Well, let’s explore that phrase and break a few things down.
Before I even begin, it is true. Girls are more emotional than guys. I didn’t declare that statement, science did. Whether we show it or not, we feel our emotions more intensely than men. And it’s not a crime. Whether we are angry, sad, happy, irritated, stressed, indecisive, what have you, it is more likely to show through us girls than our male counterparts.
The reason I decided to go with the topic of emotions is because it’s one of those things we all experience and absolutely nobody speaks about. Sure we joke with our friends and say “Oh my gosh, I wanted to punch Roger in the face today at work”, or “My boyfriend is so annoying”, or even the occasional “No, seriously, I’m fine”. Why do we resort to these roundabout ways of telling people how we feel?
Why don’t we just tell them “My coworker belittles me in front of my boss sometimes and it makes me feel inferior”, or “My boyfriend hasn’t been paying me much attention lately, and it makes me sad” or “No, I am not fine. I am stressed out because I have more bills than I have money and my patience to deal with anyone and everyone is dwindling at a rapid rate”?
I will tell you why we don’t resort to the latter: it’s because we are not a species made to be vulnerable. I know that right now you are probably thinking my choo-choo has jumped the track, but hear me out. The definition of vulnerable is “susceptibility to physical or emotional attack or harm”. Today, we live in a world that mistakes kindness for weakness, sadness for emotional instability, irritation with irrationality, anger with violence, so on and so forth. So what do we do? We hide what we feel. We clad our sadness with smiles, we clothe our kindness with a touch of curtness, and we bite our tongues when we feel injustice has occurred instead of speaking up for fear of being fired, dumped or misunderstood.
I won’t lie to ya’ll, I’ve always been an outwardly emotional train wreck. If I’m mad, you’ll know. If I am sad, you’ll know. If I’m happy, you’ll know. If I’m stressed, you’ll know. You’ll know how I am feeling because I will usually reach out to someone for solicitude. Some people think that I am crazy for outright expressing how I feel, but in my experience, it beats the crap out of bottling up whatever you’re feeling and erupting on a whim. I have done that a time too many, and each time it has had its consequences.
If someone is rude to me or makes me feel subordinate, I would rather say “please do not speak to me or about me like that anymore”, and go on with my day. The way I see it, it’s either:
1.) Be up front with yourself and others when you are bothered or upset, or
2.) Snap at them out of the clear blue while they’re chewing their food too loud one day. You don’t want to break a ruler over someone’s head in May for what they did in February, know what I’m sayin’?
Honestly, at this point in my life, I have a devout appreciation for people who are raw. When I use the term “raw” I mean like “as-is”. It is so rare to find those people anymore. It’s also what keeps couples from deciding where to eat so gosh-dang often. If you would just tell each other “Hey, I’m craving sushi” or “Why don’t we pick up a pizza” I think the quality of the relationship would improve, tenfold. But that is just my personal thesis.
But in all seriousness, can you think back to the last time you had a fight with your boyfriend or significant other? What was the solution like? Did you scream and lay blame on each other, or did you say “Oh, I wasn’t aware that this was bothering you. Please sit, let’s talk about it”? We yell and resort to stubbornness because it is easier than admitting we are wrong (this, undoubtedly, goes for guys, too).
I know this post may come off a little loud right about now, but that’s because I’m feeling a little loud today. I just wish I could tell the world that it is okay to feel. It’s okay to vent. Nothing in the world makes me feel more at ease than talking to someone who can sit there and say “I know exactly how you feel, girl”. Talking to people who have felt what I feel helps me to realize I’m not just out of my mind or being irrational. The only problem is, everyone is walking around wearing a mask that hides their rawness. When I reach out to friends I have to pry the mask off sometimes and just say “Hey, have you ever felt this way, or is it just me”?
I realize that being vulnerable isn’t everyone’s jam. It’s got such a negative connotation attached to it that no one wants to be associated with it. But since it’s early on in the week, I will challenge you to a week’s worth of vulnerability. It is my personal belief that people who allow themselves to become vulnerable are also able to project compassion better. If you see someone who looks as though they are having a rough day, just ask them, “Hey, you okay? Wanna talk about it”? Challenge them to be vulnerable, too. Listen to them. See if you can relate. You might make someone’s day.