The other day something happened that has occupied a considerable amount of my time and energy spent worrying and sulking about it. It doesn’t matter what was said or done, but the result was that I felt excluded and it made me sad. More importantly, I wasted time feeling sorry for myself. Ponder this: have you ever been totally let down by someone you think the world of? Have you ever felt completely left out by someone who you thought you were close to? If so, did it bother you like it did me? It hurts to be shut down by others, but their opinion of you is not the end-all-be-all of your existence and value.
I won’t lie, I have most definitely shut people out of my life, or given them the cold shoulder. If I do it, I make certain that have a reason to do so. They are either toxic to my life or they are not a pleasure to be around. Whatever the case may be, I always make sure that whoever it is that I cut from my life is the same person that handed me the scissors in order to do so. I just leave it at that. No harm, no foul. I just don’t want to become associated with people who are not willing to add positive value to my life. You get my drift?
But let’s be honest with ourselves. Women are catty and manipulative at times. We talk, gossip, vent, and sometimes things come out of our mouths in a way that we may not intend them to be said. That’s where we have to be cautious. The things that we hear ourselves say will eventually become truths in our minds if we aren’t careful. Which is why I think I was so upset the other day when I realized that someone else’s opinion of me did not coincide with my opinion of them.
I know I cannot please everyone. We should not even want to please everyone. Pleasing everyone else would mean putting yourself last. I realize how selfish this may be sounding right now, but think about it: how much time have you spent, just this week, worrying about what other people think of you, or trying to please someone other than yourself? You don’t have to admit it to me, but at least admit it to yourself. Worrying about what other people think of you is the fastest way to get off of your own path and lose the light that makes you, you. I could have done so much more with my time the other day in the time I spent worrying about what this person thought of me. Now I feel so stupid, because even if that person doesn’t care for me at all, what difference does that make to me? Why should anyone spend time dying to know what they did wrong to a person who doesn’t even have the audacity to express to them what rubbed them the wrong way in the first place?
Nowadays, when we are confronted with a bad situation or someone hurts us, we no longer work it out with that person who we originally had the episode with. So what do we do? We run to other people and whisper and gossip and victimize ourselves so that others will feel sorry for us, and it is awful. It’s awful because once you hear your bestie’s opinion about Susie, you now hate Susie, too, for no other particular reason at all than the mere fact that your bestie told you something that was against Susie’s favor.
I’m sure we have all felt exceptionally excluded or hurt by someone we thought was a friend at one point or another. I use to constantly ponder ways to win over people who had let me down, blaming myself for the destruction of the way they viewed me. I did finally reach an effective solution, however. It’s taken me a long time to come to this conclusion, but it’s quite simple: STOP TRYING TO FIT IN WITH A BUNCH OF ASSHOLES.
If you are genuinely happy with who you are, if you are able to remain true to yourself, you don’t need the approval of others. The more you learn to love your own decisions, the less you’ll care about the decisions of your peers or the need to follow them. If you aren’t genuinely happy with who your are, if you aren’t remaining true to yourself, you probably are hung up on trying to fit in with a bunch of assholes. Stop it, pave your own way. Make your own path. Set new precedents.
I see people all the time doing the most to try to grasp any kind of confidence in the form of the approval of other people. It’s sad. We are losing who we are because we are sacrificing our true selves for a high that is merely materialistic.
I’ve been there. Done the most just to try and fit in with people I thought I wanted to be associated with. For whatever reason, I felt that their life was more glamorous or upper crust than my own, so I wanted to be part of that. Over time I [thankfully learned] that just because you’re not some high-society-debutante-from-Country-Club-Road doesn’t mean you aren’t just as meaningful or just as important as those who are. I’m no ballroom gal myself, but I don’t want to be one, either. The desire just isn’t there for me, and I no longer have it within myself to pretend like it is. I love getting all dolled up as often as possible, but truth be told I am much more comfortable wearing old jeans, a ball cap, and no make-up whilst cleaning stalls or my chicken coop. Or even when it’s a warm day outside and I am able to do yoga by the pool. Or when no one’s home I can sit down and write a song and play music. I like doing these things because it’s like soul food for me. They aren’t things I do in public or for an audience. I do things that empower me, for me. I’m just happier when I can be close to what I love. If others want to talk about my messy hair, poo-stained shirt, or my less-than-perfect yoga practice, let ’em talk.
I have become so done with trying to please people who don’t make me feel supported or loved. It is endlessly important to focus on the people who do support and love us. I literally have no reason to care about petty things like societal acceptance, because my cup currently runneth over. I have amazing people in my life, amazing friends who I love dearly. I have an amazing, hard working family who loves me endlessly and unconditionally. I am getting married to the best man in the entire world (I’m biased), and he constantly reminds me how much he admires me for not just my successes, but for my shortcomings as well.
At the end of the day, it’s not what you have that determines your value, it’s the way you look at what you have. This notion of needing to be accepted and loved is a barrier to who you truly are. What is really important are that people in your life that know the real you and still stick by your side. Surround yourself with more of those people, the ones who support and encourage you.
Never let anyone dull your light.