Something strange happens to females between the ages of 16-22 (ish). I can’t quite explain what it is, but it’s something to do with not having “found ourselves” yet. And I know how it sounds, but no, you don’t have to convert to being a hippie, live in a van, or stop shaving your armpits to “find yourself”. Everyone eventually finds themselves, and when it happens, it’s quite liberating. But before a rainbow appears there is always a storm.
It takes quite a bit of heartache and being flat out drug through the dirt to finally get up, dust off your knees, and say “enough”, but there is really no other way to realize what you are made of unless you have tested your strength in times of trail. If you’ve had your heart broken by anyone, good. You need that. Not that I wish it upon anyone at all, but the hard times are beneficial. Just listen:
One day you’re going to wake up and realize that living by the standards of other people is not how you want to live at all. If your boyfriend dumped you because the grass was greener on the other side, let him wander over to greener pastures, because eventually there will be a drought, and by that point you will have watered your own damn lawn, and then where do you think he will try to go? Exactly.
Your job is to stop letting people use your grass until their full. If all you do is give to the people you care about, eventually you’ll have nothing left for yourself. You have to take care of yourself before anything, and the best way to do that is to be alone sometimes. Learn to love yourself again.
I know it probably seems like you’re never going to heal, or that even the smallest things are a task now, like showering or eating. But if you go through the motions long enough, you’ll realize that you are the only person holding you back from turning lemons into lemonade. Even if you have to fake the hell out of your smile, do it. It’s kind of like a lie: if you tell a lie enough times, eventually you will start to believe it. In this case, it is okay to lie because it’s for the greater good.
All of your friends are probably telling you “he’s such a douche bag”, “you can do better”, “just delete his number”, “he’s such a piece of…”, yeah. It’s good to hear words of affirmation, but they merit no true credit.
Chances are you feel the way you feel because you somehow attached your self worth to this person’s opinion of you, and now you feel as though that opinion is shot, so now your confidence has taken a beating.
Once you’ve identified this, you can truly work on finding yourself. There has to be a disconnect between your feelings for a person and the way their actions and words affect you. If there is no disconnect there, you will feel burned by every person who criticizes you for the rest of your life. Personally, I do believe you should care what people think of you when it comes to certain circumstances such as meeting your in-laws for the first time or going to an interview. Other than that, you gotta remember who you were and what your life was like before the storm came through, and re-teach yourself how to live by your own standards again.
Getting the cold shoulder sucks. It hurts and it feels as though every shot you ever had at love just vanished into thin air. But that is so not the case. The problem is we see all these super adorable couples all over the internet and we are in such a hurry to achieve “relationship goals” that we forget that in order to actually maintain a functioning relationship, two people have to be giving 100% at all times. Relationships are not 50/50; take it from someone who use to put in minute effort while her partner busted his chops to make up for the rest. It can’t work unless both parties are willing to do everything it takes to make it work. Were you ever the only one putting in significant effort? If the answer is yes, congratulations! You just took a baby step towards finding yourself.
You have to admit your wrongdoings and stop focusing what the other person did wrong. Maybe they got bored, maybe they wanted to be single, maybe they are just not interested in keeping up with a relationship, or maybe they are just wanting to focus on school, work, money, etc. Whatever the case is, unless you cheated or punched their mother, you can’t blame yourself. Guys are wired much different than us and the less we try to pick their brain, the happier we would be.
It was once explained to me that men think in the form of boxes: in their minds, they have several boxes that are labeled. When they go to think about something, let’s say fishing, they go to that box, open it, and when they are done with that thought, they close the box and put it back in it’s place.
Women, on the other hand, have wires: when we think about something, let’s say what we are going to wear this weekend, we have a thought wire that traces that thought to another thought, which leads to another thought, and to another, until we can’t even remember what the hell the original thought was in the first place. We just end up stuck with all of these hypothetical thoughts and circumstances that have not happened yet, and likely never will. Commonly known as “overthinking”.
Any who, if your life is in shambles because some Bo up and left you, you’re gonna be fine. Hang in there. Don’t think about it, but reflect on it. Ask yourself what it was about that person that made you so happy to the point of you hating yourself without them. The answer should be ‘nothing’! Look at old pictures of yourself if you have to. Hang out with the people who enjoy your light. Don’t talk about what’s-his-face. And keep in mind that history always repeats itself, so the real test lies within the opportunity to take him back. A changed woman who has discovered her worth, won’t want anything to do with anyone who is okay with making her feel inferior, or hurting her. Remember that. Where you find yourself, you should always find happiness. Where you find happiness, you should find no negativity. A happy girl who knows her value has no room for negative energy.