(Disclaimer: This will be the seventh of a miniature series of blogs that will reference a less-than-loving past relationship. This is the story of my abusive relationship and how I wound up in and out of it over the course of three years. Please see Content Warning before reading if you are concerned about the nature of the story, as I will not be leaving out any details. All names, places, and identities will be altered for no other reason than to avoid conflict. Changed names, locations, and other things deemed necessary will be marked with *.)
Jesse had a gaggle of friends that had about the same characteristics that he had. They all had his back and whatever Jesse said, they believed. I remember getting a message from a girl who was dating one of Jesse’s good friends. She had heard that I beat the tar out of him and told me exactly what she thought about me. I tried to tell her about what really happened, but she wouldn’t hear of it. She just threatened me and told me to never show my face around her again, which I never would anyways because I barely knew her; much less had the desire to hang out with her.
Another girl believed my story but told me that she was on the verge of finding me and having her way with me before I had said something. Whether she actually believed me or not is unbeknownst to me, but I honestly didn’t care.
Some of the other people I hung out with had heard of the rumors that I had beat him up, and they thought it was funny, but I didn’t. I didn’t want people thinking I did that to him. I told them the truth about what happened, but only a handful believed me, as I figured. I mean, who would believe a girl who claims that her beat-up ex boyfriend punched himself 20 times in the face? It sounds ridiculous, which Jesse used to his advantage.
I wasn’t concerned with becoming involved in another relationship, whatsoever. There was, however, a guy that constantly texted me on and off towards the end of my relationship with Jesse. His name was Kamron and he always wanted to hang out with me. Most of the time I ignored his messages out of fear that Jesse would find out. Then after Jesse and I broke up, I was still scared that he would find out.
But one night, my friends and I attended a party that Kamron was at. Of course he approached me and started talking to me, he was very social, talkative, and nice; three things I was not use to. While I was flattered that he thought of me enough to strike up a conversation, I remember feeling terrified that Jesse would walk in and cause a scene if he had seen me talking to Kamron. Fortunately for me, he never showed up. After the party was over, Kamron asked me if I wanted to swing by his apartment with he and a few of his friends. They all wore boots and dirty jeans, they were my type of people and it sounded fun, but I declined the invitation. Plus, I was scared that Kamron would try to make a move on me, and I just wasn’t ready to move on quite yet.
After everyone started to leave, the girls I had showed up with all went different ways and I was left there with no other option than to head home. Home was now in a two bedroom apartment in Ruford City with my best friend. I didn’t want to be at my place alone because it wasn’t in the best part of town, so I tucked my tail between my legs and I called Kamron. He answered right away. I asked if it would be OK if I reversed my decision to not come over. He just laughed and said, “Well of course! Get your ass over here, we are playing beer pong.”
I was still nervous about going over to another guys house, especially since I knew that Kamron liked me. My nerves calmed down when I got there, though. The guys were all hanging out, listening to music and drinking beer. I was only there for about 30 minutes, but Kamron never tried to make a move on me, which made me feel a lot better. When I told him I needed to get home, he politely walked me to my car, opened my door and said he would text me tomorrow.
I was so confused. Guys didn’t do that kind of thing to me. But I went home with a smile on my face, not because I liked Kamron back, but because I genuinely felt like someone enjoyed spending time with me.
More time had passed and I didn’t see Kamron again because Jesse was coming around and this time, disguised as a changed person. I gave in and gave him another chance, imagine that. Jesse never told me he was going to change, until now. In the past, Jesse just treated me how he treated me and I was convincing myself that I could be the one to change him, but he never voluntarily claimed that he would change. Looking back, he changed me, he made me into a person that I hated. But that is besides the point.
I was surprisingly happy when we got back together. He and one of his buddies that I didn’t mind, got an apartment together and we didn’t fight much at all…at first. At this point, we had been on and off for a little over two years. But one day, I got a call from my girlfriends who were all going out to the lake. They wanted me to come and it was a beautiful summer day. How could I say no? I was so excited, but I left my swimsuit at Jesse’s apartment so I called him to ask if I could come get it. He sounded a little off when I talked to him on the phone, but I was in a hurry so I didn’t have time to pick his brain, but it was obvious that he didn’t want me to go to the lake. When I got to his house, I left my car running. I didn’t plan on being there for long. Jesse was inside, in bed. It was 1 p.m., so that was no surprise. He heard me rummaging around and turned over. There was a bottle of pills next to his bed, which was a normal thing nowadays. He took them like candy, and apparently had been doing it for a long time, I had just recently found out about it.
“What the f*ck are you doing here?” Jesse mumbled. I could tell this wasn’t going to end good already.
“I am getting my swimsuit, I was just on the phone with you like 20 minutes ago.” I replied, not even looking at him. I truly didn’t want to fight. “You wanna come with us? It’s gonna be fun!”
He flung the covers back and started towards me. “F*ck no I don’t want to go to the lake and hang out with you and all your little whore friends! I told you I didn’t want you going out there with them. You ain’t going.”
I was not about to play this pitiful game. So I just said okay, grabbed my suit and started to leave. He grabbed me by the arm and I told him to let me go. He wanted to know for a fact that I wasn’t going to the lake, and I told him I wouldn’t, but that I was leaving anyways. I left and he was still mad, but I did go to the lake. He wasn’t about to tell me where I could and couldn’t go or with whom.
We had a fun time at the lake and when I got back, I went to Jesse’s apartment. We were watching TV and I accidentally let something slip about the lake. He immediately pushed me away from him and got up.
“So you just went, huh? You went and hung out with all those sluts even though you knew I didn’t want you to go?” he yelled.
“You can’t tell me what to do Jesse. It was a nice day outside, not everyone sleeps their life away. You could have easily gone with us, but you didn’t want to. That doesn’t mean I can’t go!” I yelled back.
And with that he started getting mad and throwing things at me. Candles, a grinder, picture frames, whatever was around. I was dodging the flying objects when he charged towards me, grabbed me by the throat, and slammed my head into his closet door, which caused it to come off it’s hinges. Jesse’s roommate came out of his room when he heard the ruckus. He was getting mad because he knew that they wouldn’t get their deposit back if any damages were made to the apartment. I was trying to fight back, but I was tripping over everything that was thrown and the room was a wreck. There was broken glass, spilled drinks, ash stains, ripped clothes, and God knows what else. His roommate yelled at me to leave because all I was doing was making it worse by upsetting Jesse.
I did leave, but not before having another candle thrown at my head. I was sick to my stomach. We hadn’t fought like that in at least two months, but he eventually apologized and said he was sorry for “overreacting”. Of course, I bought it. I was so numb to his actions that I didn’t even realize how toxic he was to my life.
Not long after this episode, Jesse had told me he was going to help his friend, *Tanner, do some yard work. I thought this was so strange because I didn’t even think that Jesse knew how to operate a lawn mower, but I thought it was great that he was going to be outside doing some dirty work. I didn’t bug him for the rest of the day, but I found it odd when I didn’t hear from him that night, so I called him. He didn’t answer. I texted him, no reply.
I thought nothing of it except that maybe he just got over heated and went to bed early. Still, it was weird that he never called. The next day I didn’t hear a word from him for most of the day. That afternoon, he just told me he was still at Tanner’s, helping him. I thought that sounded sketchy since it doesn’t take anyone two days to mow a yard, but he had me convinced that he was helping him with other odd jobs as well. He was being short and curt with me, so I quit bothering him. On day three, he didn’t talk to me at all. Now I was kind of worried. That afternoon, I jumped in my car a went to his apartment. He wasn’t there. I called him at least three times and he finally answered.
“What? Why are you blowing my phone up?” he asked, right away.
“Why are you being so rude? I have just been worried about you. Where the hell have you been all this time? I’ve hardly talked to you.” I said.
“Yeah, don’t you think I would pick up the phone and call you if I wanted to talk to you?” He said, calmly.
“Well, we need to talk. You can’t just disappear for three days and expect me to not care. Where are you?”
“I’m on my way home. We will talk later.”
“Well, I’m here now. I’m not driving all the way back home, at least have the balls to talk to me.”
“You better not be at my apartment when I get there. I’m serious. If you’re there, I’m not coming.”
“I’m in my car, I’ll wait outside.” and then I hung up.
I was so sick of him thinking he could just tell me to come and go at his will. I did wait. I waited for about 10 minutes and then he came rolling up with Tanner. I got out of my car and waited there, leaning up against my driver’s side door in the parking lot. He walked right by me, starring me down. He looked terrible. He had clearly not showered in the last three days and the circles under his eyes were dark and heavy. His skin was pale and ghostly looking. But inside he was raging, I could tell by the way he walked. It was plain as day that absolutely no yard work was done during his time spent with Tanner.
“What? You don’t even have the balls to talk to me? Coward.” I shook my head and started to get back into my car. He obviously wasn’t going to give me any explanation about what he had been doing for three days. He stopped at his door and politely told me to f*ck off, before he called the cops. I laughed out loud.
“You won’t call the cops. You have too many drugs in your apartment!” I climbed into my car, which was already started. He was livid. He didn’t know what to say or do, because he knew I was right. If the cops came, they would see what condition he was in and then they’d search his apartment. They would find enough paraphernalia to get Jesse and his roommate locked up for a long time.
As I was about to back out of my parking spot, I notice Jesse running towards my car. I didn’t even have time to be scared before he jumped on the hood of my vehicle, and began slamming his fists onto my windshield. In a matter of seconds, my entire windshield busted and I was covered in glass. I screamed for him to stop, but he didn’t stop. Instead, he came to my driver’s side window, and began wailing on it, too. I couldn’t move. I was covered in glass and I could feel myself being cut all over my body, every time I tried to even shift. Then my driver side window came crashing in on me. This time, glass went down my shirt, in my hair, and on my face. I was traumatized.
I couldn’t move. Luckily, neighbors were watching and so was Jesse’s roommate. He took Jesse inside while I tried to get out of my car and assess the damage. I had cuts all over my legs and arms. I heard sirens coming from a distance. The neighbors had already called the cops and one of the witnesses had run down the steps to help me move my car and make sure I was OK. As the cops reported the incident, I saw Jesse being taken from his apartment in cuffs. He never took his eyes off me from the time they brought him out of the door to the time they put him in the back of the car. Even as he was sitting in the cop car, he glared at me and banged his head against the window, screaming. I have no idea what he was saying, but I’m sure it had something to do with every bit of this being my fault.
To be continued…